Varied Accounts Concerning Uca Uinta Mischief (VACUUM), April, Vol. 1-No. 4;

              APRIL
VOL. 1, NO. 4
PHV RAISES ASSURED!
The phenomenal success of our new product, PAX GRO-NO-MO, surpasses even
our wildest dreams, reported W. B. Robins, general manager.   For those of you
who may not be familiar with this new discovery, it is a new lawn seed which, when
planted, grows to an exact height of
1-5/16" and then stops growing.   It does
not require watering and comes in 1322
different colors so that to match the color
scheme of your house, garage or sidewalk
would be no problem.
Chartreuse, beige and lavendar have
been our most popular colors although Vermillion and the ever-popular light green
have been running a close second, reported Mr. Robins.
It was decided at the last staff meeting
held last Sunday that due to the overwhelming financial success of PAX GRO-NO-MO,
all employees of UCA and Uinta Oil would
be given a pay raise based on their years
of service with UCA.
New employees will receive a minimum
of $10,000 per annum with increases of
$10,000 per year for each year of service.
Then after five years' service with the company, the employee has the option of retiring with a $50,000 annual pension or continuing to work for.another years at $100,000
per annum salary.
The only bad aspect of our new product
is that our lawn mower sales havefallen
off 98%.   (The only mower sold last month
was to Don Powell so he would have one to
loan to his neighbor.)
It's a good thing we have an April Fools
Day edition each year so we can dream,
don't you think?
Last Tuesday, March 25th, marked
the 18th Annual Meeting of'the Salt Lake
Consumers Co-op Service.   The event
took place at the Newhouse Hotel where
a delicious smorgasbord dinner was
served.
Besides some musical and comic
entertainment, the program included
the following speakers:  Karl S. Little,
Joe Whiting, Gaylen S. Young, W. B.
Robins.   Drawing of prizes was conducted by Henry Smith and winners
from UCA were:   Aty Bitton - hydro
lawn edger; Mrs. Keith Caldwell -
40 lb. Viv and Henry Hansen - wheelbarrow.
Manager Joe Whiting expressed gratitude to UCA for their support, especially during the gasoline war and to all
UCA employees for their individual support.   .
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